Many couples go into couple counseling with the mindset that it is a guaranteed cure for all their problems. They invest all their hope for the relationship with an objective third party who is supposed to somehow turn things around for them one hour a week. Yet, many of them will continue on to a divorce. The good news is others will get exactly what they are seeking.
So, what makes the difference here? Why are some couples able to work through their issues and return to a happy marital state while others simply fall apart no matter what steps are taken?
You may assume that it is a difference in the type of problems that each couple has to overcome, but that is not the answer. Couples facing the most extreme issues can make it through counseling and find happiness together.
Ultimately, couples who do not make it never understand that they have to do more than just talk at one another during those sessions. Let's look at a few ways that you can make your own sessions work in your favor.
It all starts with your own attitude. If you go in defensive and ready to prove all your spouse's thoughts and accusations wrong, then you are not really listening to what they have to say. Drop your guard and just really listen to what they are saying, not what it means about you personally.
From your attitude it goes to your words. Speak honestly and tell your spouse your point of view, no matter what they may think or feel about it. Nothing can be worked out if the real issues are not brought to light, and no one can do that but you.
The third step involves a mutual effort. You have to get past blaming one another for everything and fighting over things that do not even matter. Get past the petty fights you have had over and over for the past years and get down to the root issues that are fueling all the fighting. Those will be what needs fixed.
So, being honest without blaming and listening to your partner as they reveal their truth in the same way is the biggest hurdle that couples who make this work have to overcome. The next hurdle is taking the things you hear and turning them into real action. Both of you have to take action to make things better, as that is what ultimate fixes the problems you uncover.
Working things out in couple counseling is ultimately not about the talking. It's about taking the talking into your everyday life to make the deeper issues all better. This is ultimately what successful couples do to stay together.
So, what makes the difference here? Why are some couples able to work through their issues and return to a happy marital state while others simply fall apart no matter what steps are taken?
You may assume that it is a difference in the type of problems that each couple has to overcome, but that is not the answer. Couples facing the most extreme issues can make it through counseling and find happiness together.
Ultimately, couples who do not make it never understand that they have to do more than just talk at one another during those sessions. Let's look at a few ways that you can make your own sessions work in your favor.
It all starts with your own attitude. If you go in defensive and ready to prove all your spouse's thoughts and accusations wrong, then you are not really listening to what they have to say. Drop your guard and just really listen to what they are saying, not what it means about you personally.
From your attitude it goes to your words. Speak honestly and tell your spouse your point of view, no matter what they may think or feel about it. Nothing can be worked out if the real issues are not brought to light, and no one can do that but you.
The third step involves a mutual effort. You have to get past blaming one another for everything and fighting over things that do not even matter. Get past the petty fights you have had over and over for the past years and get down to the root issues that are fueling all the fighting. Those will be what needs fixed.
So, being honest without blaming and listening to your partner as they reveal their truth in the same way is the biggest hurdle that couples who make this work have to overcome. The next hurdle is taking the things you hear and turning them into real action. Both of you have to take action to make things better, as that is what ultimate fixes the problems you uncover.
Working things out in couple counseling is ultimately not about the talking. It's about taking the talking into your everyday life to make the deeper issues all better. This is ultimately what successful couples do to stay together.
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