How long have you been struggling to solve marriage problems that have been hindering your happiness? More importantly, how much longer do you think you have until things completely fall apart and divorce is the only way out? If you are getting near the point of total desperation to fix your relationship, it is time to consider the way in which you are trying to communicate with one another.
The biggest differential between couples that are able to salvage a difficult marriage and those that end up in divorce often comes down to communication. While every couple believes they are communicating in an open and honest manner, they are in fact coming at one another in a very defensive, accusatory manner which puts the other up in arms instead of at ease.
Maybe you are one of those people? If you have been wondering why your spouse shuts you out and just won't let you into their real thoughts and emotions, chances are the way you are asking for that entrance is pushing them away rather than drawing them near.
What you need to ultimately do is somehow set aside all of those emotions that are so intense and raw at the moment. You need an all new skill set in order to get past that wall your spouse has erected and start to repair the damage with real conversations about how you both feel and what you want.
For starters, the time that you pick to talk with your spouse should always be when they are in a good mood and relaxed. So, you don't want to come at them the second they come home from being fired at their job or just seconds after they hang up the phone from a tense work related conversation.
Second, make sure that you do not phrase things that point a finger or even slightly hint that you are upset or they have done something wrong. This will immediately put their guard up in expectation of a fight.
Finally, write down what you want to say ahead of time and carefully select every single word so that you do not state things in an accusatory way. Say whatever you want to say but make it about your feelings, thoughts, desires, and needs. If you can state how much you still love them it may help as well.
You can start to fix marriage problems with a method such as this, but you cannot expect huge steps forward to be made right away. This will start to open the door for better communications so that the heart of your problems can be aired and eventually corrected.
The biggest differential between couples that are able to salvage a difficult marriage and those that end up in divorce often comes down to communication. While every couple believes they are communicating in an open and honest manner, they are in fact coming at one another in a very defensive, accusatory manner which puts the other up in arms instead of at ease.
Maybe you are one of those people? If you have been wondering why your spouse shuts you out and just won't let you into their real thoughts and emotions, chances are the way you are asking for that entrance is pushing them away rather than drawing them near.
What you need to ultimately do is somehow set aside all of those emotions that are so intense and raw at the moment. You need an all new skill set in order to get past that wall your spouse has erected and start to repair the damage with real conversations about how you both feel and what you want.
For starters, the time that you pick to talk with your spouse should always be when they are in a good mood and relaxed. So, you don't want to come at them the second they come home from being fired at their job or just seconds after they hang up the phone from a tense work related conversation.
Second, make sure that you do not phrase things that point a finger or even slightly hint that you are upset or they have done something wrong. This will immediately put their guard up in expectation of a fight.
Finally, write down what you want to say ahead of time and carefully select every single word so that you do not state things in an accusatory way. Say whatever you want to say but make it about your feelings, thoughts, desires, and needs. If you can state how much you still love them it may help as well.
You can start to fix marriage problems with a method such as this, but you cannot expect huge steps forward to be made right away. This will start to open the door for better communications so that the heart of your problems can be aired and eventually corrected.
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